My new job description

I never once doubted that being a parent was a round the clock job, but certainly I under estimated the demands it entails emotionally. Being a mother isn't easy, even as everyone around me constantly remind me that I need to forget my sleep, my looks or my everyday activities little do they realise that these are the most trivial aspects of being a mom! 

"The baby looks famished- are you feeding her enough? "(You have seen me feed her for 15 of the last 24 hours on the possibility of a growth spurt!! She has peed twenty times and pooped twice, where do you think it's coming from??) "Do you really have to catch up on sleep in the other room? The baby will miss you, she can sense your presence! "(Really? All she can sense is that I can feed her when she awakens, plus do I really want a daughter who misses me while I am still under the same roof??!!) "Can you please take your loo break after you feed her, can't you see she is wailing in hunger? " (Excuse me, while she can pee on me I can't pee on her you know! So please give me this minute!!) "Gosh she looks so tiny!! Are you sure she is gaining weight??" (Ask my arms and wrists- they are increasingly sore from lifting her for 20 of the last 24 hours!!) "She is sooooo gassy! Are you sure you are eating right??" (Hello?? Am eating just the 'allowed' four items, any more restrictions and I may as well starve!!) "Maybe you should just supplement her in take with formula, she needs to gain more weight...!" (I will if the doc asks me to, are you one??) 

While it's easy to instantaneously counter these questions (like I have laid out in parenthesis above) the truth is each one of these make me feel a tremendous sense of apprehension and guilt- do I know for sure this is the best I can do? As it is, there are one hundred things we discover about the baby every day- if one day her night ends on a colicky note the next seems to begin with a growth spurt. And then the wonder weeks, only leaves me wondering if the ability to coo to the fan is her latest skill!!? So the big question-Am I sure the baby is ok? Obviously the answer is no! I am after all only a first time parent though that has qualified me to be questioned by one and sundry ...! (Even by folks who have never had a baby and probably will never either !!!) Why is it that not once do the people who question our  actions and intentions pause to appreciate the tremendous change and effort we have made in such a short time knowing that it is after all in the best interest of the baby that we are acting?? At best what I get is "Yep, that's what being a mom is all about!"  Of course there are happy moments in the day....except I seem to have a tough time just taking solace from Tu's giggles and gurgles. Her sudden smile when she sees me or her endless cooing at the fan once she is fed well. She wears her heart on her sleeve and every time she reaches out a hand to grasp mine there is a warm fuzzy feeling inside that makes me question every doubt I ever had about this job!

Enough said I guess. For now it suffices to say after 7 weeks it has finally sunk in- I am a mom and my daily job description is 15 hours of guilt/anxiety, 4 hours of sleep and 5 hours of self doubt.