Probably all the experienced moms will scoff at someone like me writing about mommy-hood, after all I am only a month old at being a mom! Never the less, this last month feels like a lifetime to me and hence here goes- my notes about being a mom and how unlike many others around me who describe motherhood as being the best feeling ever, my description is probably motherhood is the toughest role yet in a woman's life.
To begin with, AJ & I had thought very little about being parents really...not because we didn't want to, just that life had kept us busy otherwise. I have had a precarious few years post marriage having undergone 3 abdominal surgeries in the last 7 years. If that weren't enough, work-wise we have had to do a stint out of country and that stole a couple of years away from us even before we realised it. So early this year when we discovered I was pregnant it was a complete shocker... Aj was super thrilled and me as always I was super anxious... I have never been able to quite imagine myself as a parent! To be in a position to mould someone's life has always seemed a daunting task to me- not necessarily something I look forward to. Of course the other frightening thought is the CHANGE that having a child brings to one's daily routine! Almost every parent (mother or father) I have spoken to says, once you have a child you can forget this lifestyle you guys are leading now! Not sure they realise- those are not words any non-parent wants to hear!! :-P
So come July when my gyny asked me to be prepared for a delivery 'anytime' I was busy fretting at how this was all too soon and there is no way I was gonna cope with being a mom... however one huge hurdle to go- given my health a normal delivery was imperative, otherwise we were in for a lot of trouble. So i told myself to focus my energies on crossing that milestone first..so most of July was a mental workout telling myself I didn't have an option and I HAD TO have a normal delivery...I thought about this so often that even in my dreams I was telling myself to 'breath in and breath out' :-)). Ironically come 30th July and still there were no signs of me going into labor..but I had crossed an important milestone in number of pregnancy weeks. My gyny gave me a "hi fi" saying now whenever it is I went into labor it wouldn't be a pre-me baby!! :D Phew! That was a relief.. I never had any hopes of getting to a full 40 weeks, but even as we went home and celebrated this milestone we didn't anticipate that the very same night my water would break. In true movie style that is what happened and 1st August at 7AM my water broke...!! Thanks to the maternity classes I attended with Rakhi at Dwi I didn't panic, we knew we had 24 hours and hence calmly drove ourselves from Sholinganallur to Malar. (So much for all our plans of renting a service apt in Adyar closer to date blah blah). As we rushed into the hospital I was all the more terrified at the thought of yet another hospital stay for me and the horrifying 'labor' that I still had to go through. I will skip the trauma of the next 8 hours coz I really don't ever want to live through that again..>!! At 3:02 PM my daughter- Tulsi- was born and delivered into my hands. Let me be honest, this squirmy, bloody lil thingummy that the doc put near me evoked no maternal love at all... I was busy screaming to the doc to see if my abdomen was still in one piece or whether it had all been torn apart!!so the nurse quickly took the baby to give her a make over while the doc concentrated on stitching me up and getting me out of the labor ward. once done, all I could ask for was a cuppa coffee... ;-/ Never knew coffee was such a soother for me...takes an experience like this one to discover these things I guess!! :D
Soon they wheeled me to a room and that was when a nurse brought my lil one along- she was all bundled up and put in my hands and my o my, she was such a frail lil thingummy!!! I had no clue what to do with her, but I sure had a never ending grin plastered on my face!! :D AJ was super excited - he had been all thru my pregnancy my pillar of support. I really can't think of having done this without his support... he was with me in every maternity class, every doc visit and every minute of my labor too-guiding me to work on my breathing instead of concentrating on the pain that seemed to literally tear me apart. So when finally the baby arrived to us in the room, seeing AJ's excitement seemed like a lil something that I had given him in return for all of the last few months support he had shown. :-) But all the happiness was only that long, soon she was howling in hunger and all at once I was expected to know how to hold her, feed her, burp her blah blah blah. Let me be honest- I had never before handled such an infant before! Knowing my limitations I always maintained an arm's length distance from any new born I'd ever seen! So everything that was happening to me truly seemed like my worst night mare come true!!!! Plus all the expectations from everyone around me! "Oooohhh you are a mom now, how does it feel?" Anything one utters is immediately construed as "Look at how defensive she is about her baby, all her motherly instincts are up" ... Grrrr...most of it is just an onlookers comment that I was giving... I still couldn't believe I'd had a daughter...let alone have some 'motherly' instinct...!!
So has started a relationship- involving a baby girl who certainly seems to not know the meaning of life without the mother around and a mother (me) who certainly is clueless on the meaning of a life which constantly caters to the baby's needs!! I am not going to say it has all been great and fairy tale like 'happiness forever' but it has been one thing for sure- NOTHING LIKE WHAT MY LIFE WAS UNTIL 31st July 2014. I will not say I am waiting for more.. but I KNOW that there is plenty more coming my way! The pace at which this new life has taken off tells me before I know it I may not even remember my previous life in a few days from now... every seemingly simple thing I did (like being in office at MEPZ by 9:15 post brushing my teeth, having a bath, having my breakfast and driving 18KMS) seems soooo highly improbable!! And so ends my musing on mommy-hood. More to come in the next few months!!
To begin with, AJ & I had thought very little about being parents really...not because we didn't want to, just that life had kept us busy otherwise. I have had a precarious few years post marriage having undergone 3 abdominal surgeries in the last 7 years. If that weren't enough, work-wise we have had to do a stint out of country and that stole a couple of years away from us even before we realised it. So early this year when we discovered I was pregnant it was a complete shocker... Aj was super thrilled and me as always I was super anxious... I have never been able to quite imagine myself as a parent! To be in a position to mould someone's life has always seemed a daunting task to me- not necessarily something I look forward to. Of course the other frightening thought is the CHANGE that having a child brings to one's daily routine! Almost every parent (mother or father) I have spoken to says, once you have a child you can forget this lifestyle you guys are leading now! Not sure they realise- those are not words any non-parent wants to hear!! :-P
So come July when my gyny asked me to be prepared for a delivery 'anytime' I was busy fretting at how this was all too soon and there is no way I was gonna cope with being a mom... however one huge hurdle to go- given my health a normal delivery was imperative, otherwise we were in for a lot of trouble. So i told myself to focus my energies on crossing that milestone first..so most of July was a mental workout telling myself I didn't have an option and I HAD TO have a normal delivery...I thought about this so often that even in my dreams I was telling myself to 'breath in and breath out' :-)). Ironically come 30th July and still there were no signs of me going into labor..but I had crossed an important milestone in number of pregnancy weeks. My gyny gave me a "hi fi" saying now whenever it is I went into labor it wouldn't be a pre-me baby!! :D Phew! That was a relief.. I never had any hopes of getting to a full 40 weeks, but even as we went home and celebrated this milestone we didn't anticipate that the very same night my water would break. In true movie style that is what happened and 1st August at 7AM my water broke...!! Thanks to the maternity classes I attended with Rakhi at Dwi I didn't panic, we knew we had 24 hours and hence calmly drove ourselves from Sholinganallur to Malar. (So much for all our plans of renting a service apt in Adyar closer to date blah blah). As we rushed into the hospital I was all the more terrified at the thought of yet another hospital stay for me and the horrifying 'labor' that I still had to go through. I will skip the trauma of the next 8 hours coz I really don't ever want to live through that again..>!! At 3:02 PM my daughter- Tulsi- was born and delivered into my hands. Let me be honest, this squirmy, bloody lil thingummy that the doc put near me evoked no maternal love at all... I was busy screaming to the doc to see if my abdomen was still in one piece or whether it had all been torn apart!!so the nurse quickly took the baby to give her a make over while the doc concentrated on stitching me up and getting me out of the labor ward. once done, all I could ask for was a cuppa coffee... ;-/ Never knew coffee was such a soother for me...takes an experience like this one to discover these things I guess!! :D
Soon they wheeled me to a room and that was when a nurse brought my lil one along- she was all bundled up and put in my hands and my o my, she was such a frail lil thingummy!!! I had no clue what to do with her, but I sure had a never ending grin plastered on my face!! :D AJ was super excited - he had been all thru my pregnancy my pillar of support. I really can't think of having done this without his support... he was with me in every maternity class, every doc visit and every minute of my labor too-guiding me to work on my breathing instead of concentrating on the pain that seemed to literally tear me apart. So when finally the baby arrived to us in the room, seeing AJ's excitement seemed like a lil something that I had given him in return for all of the last few months support he had shown. :-) But all the happiness was only that long, soon she was howling in hunger and all at once I was expected to know how to hold her, feed her, burp her blah blah blah. Let me be honest- I had never before handled such an infant before! Knowing my limitations I always maintained an arm's length distance from any new born I'd ever seen! So everything that was happening to me truly seemed like my worst night mare come true!!!! Plus all the expectations from everyone around me! "Oooohhh you are a mom now, how does it feel?" Anything one utters is immediately construed as "Look at how defensive she is about her baby, all her motherly instincts are up" ... Grrrr...most of it is just an onlookers comment that I was giving... I still couldn't believe I'd had a daughter...let alone have some 'motherly' instinct...!!
So has started a relationship- involving a baby girl who certainly seems to not know the meaning of life without the mother around and a mother (me) who certainly is clueless on the meaning of a life which constantly caters to the baby's needs!! I am not going to say it has all been great and fairy tale like 'happiness forever' but it has been one thing for sure- NOTHING LIKE WHAT MY LIFE WAS UNTIL 31st July 2014. I will not say I am waiting for more.. but I KNOW that there is plenty more coming my way! The pace at which this new life has taken off tells me before I know it I may not even remember my previous life in a few days from now... every seemingly simple thing I did (like being in office at MEPZ by 9:15 post brushing my teeth, having a bath, having my breakfast and driving 18KMS) seems soooo highly improbable!! And so ends my musing on mommy-hood. More to come in the next few months!!
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