Before I became a mom it was such an easy decision to make- so what if I have a baby??!!! Of course I will get back to work..I don't want to be sitting at home focusing all my energies on my child and family- for someone like me that is going to be sooo very tough!! Now that I have become a mom, wow!! Things are soooo different. From today it is 50 days to go before I get back to work...and already I have 100 doubts on how the heck am I gonna be able to actually get back to work and juggle all the various things I will have to do in one day???? I still need to find another maid so that I have a fool proof mechanism at home even in case my husbands parents are unable to come on a working day. I still have to decide how to start Tu off on semi solids and am wondering what I will do if she doesn't take to it as I expect her to? I am hoping and praying she adjusts well to bidding me good bye every morning and greeting me with her wondrous smile (that she now reserves for her dad) when I get back home everyday! And most importantly I pray to God I have the mental strength and stamina to cope with the pressures of being a mom and a working woman!! Phew!!! What has happened to me? And why have I changed so much???
On one hand I know my support mechanism is bound to be a bit impaired coz my mom is not around- I need to face it- it's a simple fact of life! This makes me more dependent on my husbands family (fair o unfair on them, this is how it is). Secondly, finding trustworthy maids in Chennai sure seems to be a thing of the past. Our last experience with having a full time maid was totally disastrous!! I almost came to a point where either I'd have pushed the maid off our balcony or jumped off myself!!! :-| Last but not the least, unlike in our parent's generation, ours' are not jobs that have a certain 'begin' and 'end-time' to it... Being in Retail Consulting I know that my work hours will be determined by the particular role or project I get into!! So all in all, it amounts to this, I just have to suck it up and take a leap of faith by returning back to work and let things work themselves out!! Come to think of it- that sounds like what most of my life has been... ;-) And for all the cribbing that I do about wanting to go back to the pre-baby life, it is in a way ironic that at times like this when I do get the opportunity to do so, it is just ME being apprehensive and pessimistic about doing it!
So as I get closer to getting back to work, I am trying to take things one day at a time. Enjoying the precious time I am getting with Tu and celebrating her every milestone as her (yet to be a year old)life unfolds in front of mine. I am again beginning my journey of lessons in life and learning to accept that I cannot predict everything that happens in the future, I just need to (like always) bide my time, hang in there, try my best and take it as it comes. Nothing has changed in any of this from the past and I need to acknowledge that it is in my hands to continue to keep life the way it was before Tu. Life happens and decisions follow, we moms just have to learn to leave it at that. This unending need to keep everything in control- has to go! Phew......even as I say it, I know this one is going to be easier said than done!
On one hand I know my support mechanism is bound to be a bit impaired coz my mom is not around- I need to face it- it's a simple fact of life! This makes me more dependent on my husbands family (fair o unfair on them, this is how it is). Secondly, finding trustworthy maids in Chennai sure seems to be a thing of the past. Our last experience with having a full time maid was totally disastrous!! I almost came to a point where either I'd have pushed the maid off our balcony or jumped off myself!!! :-| Last but not the least, unlike in our parent's generation, ours' are not jobs that have a certain 'begin' and 'end-time' to it... Being in Retail Consulting I know that my work hours will be determined by the particular role or project I get into!! So all in all, it amounts to this, I just have to suck it up and take a leap of faith by returning back to work and let things work themselves out!! Come to think of it- that sounds like what most of my life has been... ;-) And for all the cribbing that I do about wanting to go back to the pre-baby life, it is in a way ironic that at times like this when I do get the opportunity to do so, it is just ME being apprehensive and pessimistic about doing it!
So as I get closer to getting back to work, I am trying to take things one day at a time. Enjoying the precious time I am getting with Tu and celebrating her every milestone as her (yet to be a year old)life unfolds in front of mine. I am again beginning my journey of lessons in life and learning to accept that I cannot predict everything that happens in the future, I just need to (like always) bide my time, hang in there, try my best and take it as it comes. Nothing has changed in any of this from the past and I need to acknowledge that it is in my hands to continue to keep life the way it was before Tu. Life happens and decisions follow, we moms just have to learn to leave it at that. This unending need to keep everything in control- has to go! Phew......even as I say it, I know this one is going to be easier said than done!
