Very early in our marriage we went through some testing times... I underwent some major surgeries due to abdominal issues and it has only gotten worse since. But having said that I have always felt those incidents only tested and strengthened our relationship. Despite all odds AJ ( Aravind Jayaraman) has always encouraged me to look on the brighter side and lead as normal a life as possible. We have traveled through jungles and trekked on mountains all of which I know I could have never done without him!! So when I became a mother too I guess I have looked at him for emotional and physical support and I must say he has been there 100%. There is so much I am learning from him as I see him being a father to my daughter!
The one thing that has been clear is how AJ clearly prioritises what is good for Tulsi rather than what he 'likes' doing for Tulsi. Simple things such as carrying her through the day or letting her sleep on lap- he ensures these are a big no. Even in larger issues he is very clear that Tulsi will become what she is happy to become. Not once do I hear him say she will be a good photographer or any other such aspirations for her! I must confess that I have struggled to keep up with him on these things but I do genuinely try to.
The second thing I admire about how he handles fatherhood is how he can walk out of home without worrying about Tulsi, he has this innate sense of assurance that all will be well. He is like that about life too.. Doesn't spend much time fretting about what is not in front of him. As I get back to work this is something I am trying my best to adopt.
The third thing that AJ has taught me as a father is to ensure I put the child and my happiness at par. When we have people around us pass judgement on us as parents or otherwise, he is clear that they don't have a right to. Much as we may be in need of such people for Tulsi's care he has insisted that Tulsi cannot be raised lovingly if we ourselves are not happy parents. I increasingly see the merit in this reasoning as the days go by- this has also meant that we consciously stay away from situations where we hold our emotions in to please/respect someone but take that angst out on Tulsi- something I have seen others do.
Last but not the least, AJ has taught me that raising Tulsi is our responsibility. We shouldn't be dependent on anyone to do this, having a child was our conscious decision and hence raising it should be our prerogative too. This has increasingly meant we have very little expectations from people around us and hence have felt less 'let down' etc. Every help we have received has felt very generous and we really have little to complain. Most contingencies are planned keeping in mind our time and effort. And it has only reiterated the fact that the first right on Tulsi is ours as parents and none else's. Similarly there is no one to pass the buck to, the buck stops here.
This fathers day let me raise a toast to the two fathers I know- everyone knows how much I adore my own dad, he taught me everything that made me what I am. But seeing my husband becoming a father has taught me what a shift it needs to be a parent and given me the lift to get there as a mother. I know a lot is said about being a mother in the society we live in, but from my experience so far a father is no less and infact needs to be a guiding light for the parenting couple. After all we all know how anxious a mother hen often gets and how she can focus on the never ending details of everyday life only to reach an old age that seems replete with sacrifices made and battles lost. So cheers to you my husband, am super glad you are a father now and super proud to share this parenting journey with you!! Happy fathers day!!
The one thing that has been clear is how AJ clearly prioritises what is good for Tulsi rather than what he 'likes' doing for Tulsi. Simple things such as carrying her through the day or letting her sleep on lap- he ensures these are a big no. Even in larger issues he is very clear that Tulsi will become what she is happy to become. Not once do I hear him say she will be a good photographer or any other such aspirations for her! I must confess that I have struggled to keep up with him on these things but I do genuinely try to.
The second thing I admire about how he handles fatherhood is how he can walk out of home without worrying about Tulsi, he has this innate sense of assurance that all will be well. He is like that about life too.. Doesn't spend much time fretting about what is not in front of him. As I get back to work this is something I am trying my best to adopt.
The third thing that AJ has taught me as a father is to ensure I put the child and my happiness at par. When we have people around us pass judgement on us as parents or otherwise, he is clear that they don't have a right to. Much as we may be in need of such people for Tulsi's care he has insisted that Tulsi cannot be raised lovingly if we ourselves are not happy parents. I increasingly see the merit in this reasoning as the days go by- this has also meant that we consciously stay away from situations where we hold our emotions in to please/respect someone but take that angst out on Tulsi- something I have seen others do.
Last but not the least, AJ has taught me that raising Tulsi is our responsibility. We shouldn't be dependent on anyone to do this, having a child was our conscious decision and hence raising it should be our prerogative too. This has increasingly meant we have very little expectations from people around us and hence have felt less 'let down' etc. Every help we have received has felt very generous and we really have little to complain. Most contingencies are planned keeping in mind our time and effort. And it has only reiterated the fact that the first right on Tulsi is ours as parents and none else's. Similarly there is no one to pass the buck to, the buck stops here.
This fathers day let me raise a toast to the two fathers I know- everyone knows how much I adore my own dad, he taught me everything that made me what I am. But seeing my husband becoming a father has taught me what a shift it needs to be a parent and given me the lift to get there as a mother. I know a lot is said about being a mother in the society we live in, but from my experience so far a father is no less and infact needs to be a guiding light for the parenting couple. After all we all know how anxious a mother hen often gets and how she can focus on the never ending details of everyday life only to reach an old age that seems replete with sacrifices made and battles lost. So cheers to you my husband, am super glad you are a father now and super proud to share this parenting journey with you!! Happy fathers day!!
