Late night whatsapp is a norm these days, Tu's going thru some separation anxiety and hence every couple of hours as she topples over in her crib and starts mumbling 'Mamma maaamaaa..' and hence, my night duties are getting fiercer. Ironically a touch of my hand or ten mins of laptime and she goes back to sleep...while I am left blinking awake and wondering what the hell to do??!! So more often than not I find myself sandwiched between a mumbling Tu and a snoring AJ - lying wide awake and checking whatsapp to see who will give me company...! Yesterday was no different and chance conversation on why I am NOT publishing this blog on FB had me thinking.....and the answer is this: this is my rant corner and I don't want to open this up to scrutiny to some parts of the family and hence I am going to let it be. Blog sharing is not a battle thats on my priority list for now- the question that was asked was why am i giving in to the folks who are judging me? Yes I am, but then I am not fighting the 'system'. I am not fighting people who say any of the following and let me also share the reasons why I am not one of the new age women who will holler till someone takes notice. (believe me, I have given this a lot of thought...after all if you thought women didn't have equal rights you will have no hesitation in agreeing that among parents a mom certainly isn't accorded any equal rights!!). I am NOT fighting this system coz I have come to realise that is not the journey I want to take, I don't want this mommyhood to be a constant agitation to prove a point to someone or anyone and I probably can only explain by elaborating on why I have come where I currently am. So without further ado- here goes:
There's nothing as gratifying as motherhood: Ohhh yessss, I have had many women and men tell me this mother of all motherhoods!! My initial few months I'd heartily fight the person who was telling me this but later I realized that I don't have to necessarily take this as a special status upgrade/downgrade, come to think of it there is NOTHING as gratifying as being in my current state of being and yes fortunately or unfortunately my current state of being is MOTHERHOOD. In fact nothing has been as consuming in my life as my current state-this is probably the first time that I don't even have time to brush my hair or second glance at myself in a mirror! In this tense(which is a mild adjective to describe how I am btw) state of being if I am going to further agitate by refusing to think of my current state as gratifying it only leads to further angst. So take a deep breath mommy and start enjoying the gratification :-) After all we make our own gratification and oh yes, I end every night thinking how grateful I am to have survived this day!! =))
How will you manage both work and the baby??? This is the second worst thing everyone tells a new mom, typically this is followed by 'who is taking care of your baby at home?' (esp when people meet you in office, this is the first question they pop). My initial days back at work I'd bristle at the question wondering if anyone asked my husband this when he got back to work and why I need to be singled out. Sometimes I'd think maybe I can just politely tell the person it's none of your business to ask me this. But then again this is the 'system' and this is how everyone is keyed- to believe it takes a gargantuan support mechanism to 'let' a mom go back to work and despite that she is never competent enough to take on the kind of challenges that she did prior to the baby!!! Condescending as that seemed initially, off late I have let this pass too. Am I happy with my job? (Yes) AM i happy with my salary (Yes) If I am not being used to my fullest potential- is that my loss? (No) Lets ignore the comments for the moment, could this have happened even otherwise? (Yes) Errrr...... so what am I getting worked up about? That some people are cutting me some slack and lessening my work under the assumption that I may not be able to cope? In the loooong career that I plan to have if this implies I don't move up the ladder for a couple of years, then so be it. But I am surely not going to go chasing additional challenges just to prove someone wrong. To err is human and to definitely err in judgement is corporate... That's my take. :-) This too shall pass and if I am truly hating my job/salary I will surely search for a new job...like I'd have done even prior to the baby. For now comfort zones seem the right place to be in... I will leave it at that.
Baby is the most important thing in your life now: As a new mom it is the most irritating thing when someone tells you how you don't matter anymore and only the baby does. In fact as a new mom it doesn't take much to get irritated, but this one really irks the most. Drop of a hat and your family, the maids, friends, strangers - EVERYONE thinks it's ok to belittle you and pointedly remark about how they couldn't care if we existed or no, but they do tremendously care about how my baby is and what she is up to? Needless to say this was the other thing that would drive me up the wall. But you know, fight it as I may the truth is that the baby IS a very important part of my life and even left to myself I do prioritise her needs over mine. I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I put my needs above that of this child who certainly is darned helpless without me. So at some point in these eight months I have resolved t the fact that I don't really matter anymore ..!! But at the same time when my husband or my sisters or my best friends take the time out to point out to me that I do matter- it means a LOT to me and it reiterates why these folks are a biggg, indispensable part of my life :D And just because I am saying this right now doesn't mean I have stopped living for myself, it only means I know what I am choosing to do and why - just like I knew when all my life I chose to tell the truth, to stand by what I believe in and care for my near ones through their ups and lows- it is coz this is the only way I know to be and this is the only form that I will be happy with. So taking a step back and looking at it helped me realize that this is just a continuation of life as I have led it before the baby.. I don't have to spend all my living energies in trying to underline to every tom, dick and harry about how I do matter and everything. I'd much rather put my head down and get back to my (already overwhelming) day to day activities and try and beat the 24 hours that a day now is... :D
Net net, here's what I am getting at- the system is the way it is, critical of a mom as it is of any other type-cast relationship. As a mother I have enough important battles on my hand and hence I am choosing to let the system be and let people make these 'time tested' remarks and judgements on my motherhood. My space is now reduced to a small niche in this system where I have plonked my plushest pillow and settled in comfortably. I am at ease with the fact that I am a part of this system and I very much fit into every judgement that comes my way and yet, I am me. I continue to be and live the way I have, to that extent motherhood hasn't changed me. That's that! :-)
There's nothing as gratifying as motherhood: Ohhh yessss, I have had many women and men tell me this mother of all motherhoods!! My initial few months I'd heartily fight the person who was telling me this but later I realized that I don't have to necessarily take this as a special status upgrade/downgrade, come to think of it there is NOTHING as gratifying as being in my current state of being and yes fortunately or unfortunately my current state of being is MOTHERHOOD. In fact nothing has been as consuming in my life as my current state-this is probably the first time that I don't even have time to brush my hair or second glance at myself in a mirror! In this tense(which is a mild adjective to describe how I am btw) state of being if I am going to further agitate by refusing to think of my current state as gratifying it only leads to further angst. So take a deep breath mommy and start enjoying the gratification :-) After all we make our own gratification and oh yes, I end every night thinking how grateful I am to have survived this day!! =))
How will you manage both work and the baby??? This is the second worst thing everyone tells a new mom, typically this is followed by 'who is taking care of your baby at home?' (esp when people meet you in office, this is the first question they pop). My initial days back at work I'd bristle at the question wondering if anyone asked my husband this when he got back to work and why I need to be singled out. Sometimes I'd think maybe I can just politely tell the person it's none of your business to ask me this. But then again this is the 'system' and this is how everyone is keyed- to believe it takes a gargantuan support mechanism to 'let' a mom go back to work and despite that she is never competent enough to take on the kind of challenges that she did prior to the baby!!! Condescending as that seemed initially, off late I have let this pass too. Am I happy with my job? (Yes) AM i happy with my salary (Yes) If I am not being used to my fullest potential- is that my loss? (No) Lets ignore the comments for the moment, could this have happened even otherwise? (Yes) Errrr...... so what am I getting worked up about? That some people are cutting me some slack and lessening my work under the assumption that I may not be able to cope? In the loooong career that I plan to have if this implies I don't move up the ladder for a couple of years, then so be it. But I am surely not going to go chasing additional challenges just to prove someone wrong. To err is human and to definitely err in judgement is corporate... That's my take. :-) This too shall pass and if I am truly hating my job/salary I will surely search for a new job...like I'd have done even prior to the baby. For now comfort zones seem the right place to be in... I will leave it at that.
Baby is the most important thing in your life now: As a new mom it is the most irritating thing when someone tells you how you don't matter anymore and only the baby does. In fact as a new mom it doesn't take much to get irritated, but this one really irks the most. Drop of a hat and your family, the maids, friends, strangers - EVERYONE thinks it's ok to belittle you and pointedly remark about how they couldn't care if we existed or no, but they do tremendously care about how my baby is and what she is up to? Needless to say this was the other thing that would drive me up the wall. But you know, fight it as I may the truth is that the baby IS a very important part of my life and even left to myself I do prioritise her needs over mine. I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I put my needs above that of this child who certainly is darned helpless without me. So at some point in these eight months I have resolved t the fact that I don't really matter anymore ..!! But at the same time when my husband or my sisters or my best friends take the time out to point out to me that I do matter- it means a LOT to me and it reiterates why these folks are a biggg, indispensable part of my life :D And just because I am saying this right now doesn't mean I have stopped living for myself, it only means I know what I am choosing to do and why - just like I knew when all my life I chose to tell the truth, to stand by what I believe in and care for my near ones through their ups and lows- it is coz this is the only way I know to be and this is the only form that I will be happy with. So taking a step back and looking at it helped me realize that this is just a continuation of life as I have led it before the baby.. I don't have to spend all my living energies in trying to underline to every tom, dick and harry about how I do matter and everything. I'd much rather put my head down and get back to my (already overwhelming) day to day activities and try and beat the 24 hours that a day now is... :D
Net net, here's what I am getting at- the system is the way it is, critical of a mom as it is of any other type-cast relationship. As a mother I have enough important battles on my hand and hence I am choosing to let the system be and let people make these 'time tested' remarks and judgements on my motherhood. My space is now reduced to a small niche in this system where I have plonked my plushest pillow and settled in comfortably. I am at ease with the fact that I am a part of this system and I very much fit into every judgement that comes my way and yet, I am me. I continue to be and live the way I have, to that extent motherhood hasn't changed me. That's that! :-)
No comments:
Post a Comment