Sometimes I think all of nature connives against a new mom too. First it started to rain, the rusty corner of chennai we live in wasn't quite designed to cope with rains. Jittery as I am with driving these days, as I pulled the car out of the parking lot I was dreading the 2 km drive to get to this place! As we hadn't fixed a particular time just as I thought I was ready to go and called my sisters to be told they were shopping at the nilgiris next door. I pulled up outside the store and even as I could see them at the billing counter my heart was pounding!!! Aaaargghhh don't they realize this is my only window of escape ... The Five mins they took to come out n get into my car seemed like twenty to me! I almost expected Aj to call me right there to tell me Tu was crying inconsolably .. Phew!but that wasn't what happened! Next as they got into the car n saw my apprehension we started wondering if it'd be a better idea to have taken Aj and Tu along!! We asked ourselves this some three timesby the time I had driven 500 meters!! Finally my selfish self recalled and I said I wanted me minus Tu time, so let's pls carry on as planned! (Needless to say feeling very guilty about it!!) the road itself was pathetic, as we navigated the potholes we discussed how to plan future trips with Tu and Aj, even with Pendu (my bro-in-law ) and laya (my niece)!! Well life ahead is certainly going to need a lot of planning unlike before....:-/
Anyways we reached the restaurant and even as I sent the car for valet parking my mobile jingled.. An SMS - firstly my mobile was off silent for the first time today after three months !! So that itself was a strange feeling! Secondly was that Aj already??! - apprehensively I looked at the screen, phew! False alarm, it was just another marketing message.. For the first time I felt happy seeing it!! ;-)
The scented aroma of the reception area beckoned invitingly and we were in thru the rotating door. As we entered the 24/7 restaurant in this property I asked the staff to give me a nice cozy seat so I could put my feet up. Even as we settled in and dug ourselves into the menu card short listing appetizers and desserts ( that was a given, when we sisters got together we always skipped mains) I had a tremendously uplifting feeling! Immediate guilt pangs and I wondered if Aj remembered my data plan was kaput n hence watsapp wouldn't work...! My sisters allayed my fears saying a wailing baby plus a guy will surely find a way of communicating to the mom,so don't worry so much :-)))
Once we had ordered the food we resolved to talk about everything excepting kids n maids!! For a fleeting second there all three of us realized how much our lives had been relegated into minding these two things! However the thought was dismissed quickly and what followed was a riot of funny brainless conversations revolving around movies, food and other things! Before we knew it food was served and consumed and just as we were licking the plate clean of the last remnants of the yumm orange panna cotta my phone rang! And this time it was Aj!! He said I had five mins to get home and so we quickly signaled for the staff to get us the check and scooted back home!!
I cannot help but comment on how uplifting this two hour break was for me!! By the time I got home tu was wailing for food and even as I sat down to feed her I had a un-wipe able grin plastered on my face! :-)) kudos to Aj for managing our three month old daughter and understanding my need for this break .. I think he had noticed my wistful look at him whenever he managed a team outing or friends meeting or office trips to other cities!! I do appreciate the kind of 'giving' relationship that I share with my daughter but at the same time it is a radical shift to go from living your own independent life to being shackled to a very needy living being in a matter of three months! I always thought pregnancy was prepping me for this new bonded life, but having lived it for three months now I can safely say pregnancy was nothing like this life- where all my movements are dictated by another soul, and the most important part of that is when I see how needy, fragile and naive that soul is, I truly have a hard time trying to do anything otherwise ..!! So it's a catch 22 of sorts.. However what struck me from my first 'getaway' was thank god I have my sisters around who have been thru these same feelings and who truly flank me when I need the support to make this happen and most importantly thank god for Aj! Who understands what I feel and does NOT judge my feelings NOR grudge these thoughts of mine! After all none of us are exempt from the traditional societal conditioning of how a mom needs to be selfless and sacrificial in her actions :-( !! So when I stole my little selfish time am glad I had these folks who understood why:-)
For now I think these two hours will last me another fortnight after which I have to see what else I may have a NEED for.. ;-) Till then let me sign off and continue to relish the memories from those two hours! :-) cheers!
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