All my life as a girl/woman I have been given to understand we have to fight for our equality among/boys/men. Becoming a mother is no different- I am constantly egged to demand that my spouse pick up on 50% of the parenting tasks. Having lived the life of a mother for the last 15 months and during the 9 months of pregnancy prior to that I have had one big realisation- men & women are not equal. We were never meant to be equal, we are so different and equipped so differentially that it seems rather moronic to talk about being treated as an equal. So as I mull over this thought I try and come to terms with what am I going to teach my daughter as she grows up on the concept of gender equality/inequality. And this blog is an attempt at summarising my message to Tu:
Men and women are wired differently, we bring contrastingly different skill sets to the table. It's important that both genders learn to understand what each one is 'capable' of doing and what they are absolutely 'incapable' of doing. Men can bear the brunt of financial 'giving', they derive immense pleasure in being financial providers. (Am not saying women are not financial providers, but it's just that that alone is never something that is going to be enough for us).Women bear the brunt of being emotional 'providers', we derive great pride in being able to provide emotional depth and assurance. (Again likewise for men, they can be emotional assurers too, but yet to meet a man who likes doing only that)Men can brush aside any occurrence or misgiving- they have the immense ability to 'move on'. Women can delve and endure at great length- both physically and mentally. As we take advantage of these unique skills that each gender bring to the table, life as a 'couple' starts taking form. The need to establish 'equality' -in my opinion -is very erroneous. All my life i have had the false expectation that we both need to be able to do the same things with equal effectiveness. This has only meant that constantly I have either berated myself or pushed myself to achieve things that I needen't have achieved at all to begin with... little have I realised that it is probably impossible for either of us to be 'equal' - ever! What would have helped is an early grounding that established certain boundaries on how men and women are physically, mentally and emotionally different. This understanding which life experience has brought in, has underlined the need to look into the eyes of my husband/brother and appreciate what they are bringing to the table and in turn appreciate my own self for bringing the rest to the table- without measuring who is bringing more or less. It has meant that I understand afresh that there are instances when I contribute more (I go through pregnancy, I physically endure more to deliver, I physically and emotionally drain more as a mother), however I also hold my head up in pride knowing I am doing all of this coz only I CAN do the needed here. I know my husband is bringing a whole array of other contributions to the table...none of which can be compared to the ones I am doing...they are not 'equal' and hence they cannot be compared. At the end of of it all this thought convinces me all the more that as individuals we should cherish each gender's uniqueness and ensure at every step of the way we give the opposite sex their due. If my father, husband, brother, son, friend etc just pause with acknowledgement of what is 'due' to me I am sure I will feel more cherished as a woman and that in all reality is as good as it gets! I am hoping the same is true of the opposite sex! ;-) With this note I shall pause and hope I am able to instil this at an early age to Tu- stop comparing yourself to the men in this world, this life is not about equality my dear, it is about grace- the grace to pause and give each one their due! :-) The rest (as is often said) is history!
Men and women are wired differently, we bring contrastingly different skill sets to the table. It's important that both genders learn to understand what each one is 'capable' of doing and what they are absolutely 'incapable' of doing. Men can bear the brunt of financial 'giving', they derive immense pleasure in being financial providers. (Am not saying women are not financial providers, but it's just that that alone is never something that is going to be enough for us).Women bear the brunt of being emotional 'providers', we derive great pride in being able to provide emotional depth and assurance. (Again likewise for men, they can be emotional assurers too, but yet to meet a man who likes doing only that)Men can brush aside any occurrence or misgiving- they have the immense ability to 'move on'. Women can delve and endure at great length- both physically and mentally. As we take advantage of these unique skills that each gender bring to the table, life as a 'couple' starts taking form. The need to establish 'equality' -in my opinion -is very erroneous. All my life i have had the false expectation that we both need to be able to do the same things with equal effectiveness. This has only meant that constantly I have either berated myself or pushed myself to achieve things that I needen't have achieved at all to begin with... little have I realised that it is probably impossible for either of us to be 'equal' - ever! What would have helped is an early grounding that established certain boundaries on how men and women are physically, mentally and emotionally different. This understanding which life experience has brought in, has underlined the need to look into the eyes of my husband/brother and appreciate what they are bringing to the table and in turn appreciate my own self for bringing the rest to the table- without measuring who is bringing more or less. It has meant that I understand afresh that there are instances when I contribute more (I go through pregnancy, I physically endure more to deliver, I physically and emotionally drain more as a mother), however I also hold my head up in pride knowing I am doing all of this coz only I CAN do the needed here. I know my husband is bringing a whole array of other contributions to the table...none of which can be compared to the ones I am doing...they are not 'equal' and hence they cannot be compared. At the end of of it all this thought convinces me all the more that as individuals we should cherish each gender's uniqueness and ensure at every step of the way we give the opposite sex their due. If my father, husband, brother, son, friend etc just pause with acknowledgement of what is 'due' to me I am sure I will feel more cherished as a woman and that in all reality is as good as it gets! I am hoping the same is true of the opposite sex! ;-) With this note I shall pause and hope I am able to instil this at an early age to Tu- stop comparing yourself to the men in this world, this life is not about equality my dear, it is about grace- the grace to pause and give each one their due! :-) The rest (as is often said) is history!
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